Satire for emotionally resilient adults
In a discovery that has upended long-held assumptions about the purpose of physical media, a coalition of academic historians announced this week that books may have once been used for activities beyond killing spiders. The report, published in the Journal of Misremembered Literacy, suggests that prior to the advent of streaming platforms and touchscreens, printed … Read more
First came the juice cleanses. Then Ozempic. Now, celebrities are embracing a weight loss strategy that’s been around since the Middle Ages: inviting a parasitic worm to brunch. Dubbed “Tapeworm Buddy” by PR teams who think diseases just need better branding, the new trend involves microdosing GLP-1 medication while casually fostering a tapeworm named something … Read more
Organizers of the 2025 Tri-County Fairest Blossom Pageant were forced to delay opening ceremonies Saturday evening after a contestant appeared to be in active labor during the national anthem. Witnesses say the woman, identified only as “Sherri M.,” walked onstage in a sequined gown, heels, and a visibly contracting uterus. Pageant staff initially mistook the … Read more
In a surprising turn of events, Coldplay — a struggling indie band out of London with only 100 million monthly listeners — finally caught a break this week after being inadvertently promoted by the tech industry. The breakthrough came courtesy of a viral “kiss cam” moment at a Coldplay concert in Massachusetts, in which Astronomer’s … Read more
In the wake of Happy Gilmore 2’s record-breaking Netflix debut and a bizarre cultural resurgence of Satan-themed content, critics are reportedly gathering in informal prayer circles to beg the universe not to unleash Little Nicky 2. “Look, we tolerated Murder Mystery 2,” said one exhausted film critic. “But Little Nicky was a war crime in … Read more
In a stunning exposé that’s shaking the barnyard, a talking horse has stepped forward to declare that the recent viral sensation, a dancing pig, is nothing more than a cleverly orchestrated publicity stunt. The pig in question became an overnight sensation after a video of her cutting a rug to some catchy tunes went viral. … Read more
In an utterly bizarre turn of events, a childless man has been spotted embarking on his daily commute with a playlist that can only be described as a cacophony of Disney magic. His fellow commuters are perplexed, while psychologists are scratching their heads. Meet Dave Melancholy, a single man in his thirties who has developed … Read more
HOLLYWOOD, CA- In a surprising poll conducted over the weekend, we found that more than half of surveyed adults believe the “Star Wars” movies depict real-life events. It seems people are taking the famous opening tag line, “A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…” a bit too literal. When challenged about his … Read more
SAN DIEGO, CA — After 20 agonizing minutes of silence, a 29-year-old freelance UX designer has begun the emotional journey of accepting that Elon Musk may never like, retweet, or even accidentally acknowledge his post calling the billionaire “a meme lord and a misunderstood genius.” “I just thought we had something,” whispered the freelancer, staring … Read more
DENVER, CO- Tim and Jennifer Hamilton thought they were doing the right thing. After years of struggling to find ways to expose their son Timmy Jr. to new cultures, they formulated a plan. They recorded nearly two weeks worth of Dora the Explorer episodes and put him in front of the TV expecting him to … Read more