Pubescent Teen Strongly Advised to Learn Laundry Before Evidence Starts Piling Up
A new household readiness study warns that pubescent teens should learn laundry…
Dog Barking in Middle of Night Ruins Extremely Promising Erotic Dream
In an unexpected incident of maladaptive canine behavior, a local dog has…
Lizard Doing Push-Ups Still Weak as Shit
The western fence lizard performing aggressive push-ups on a sun-warmed patio stone…
Child Learns the Hard Way Cactus Not Fucking Around
Seven-year-old Tyler Mendez learned Tuesday afternoon that the cactus in his grandmother’s…
Man Holding Door Open Confirmed Total Dick in All Other Contexts
A regional behavioral audit has confirmed that a man widely praised for…
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Misguided Man Confident Blimp Cigar Bar Is Foolproof Business Idea
Local entrepreneur Daniel Krevitz spent most of Tuesday afternoon in…
Man Unsure Why Cartoon Duck Keeps Popping In Head While Masturbating
Local warehouse manager reports persistent cartoon duck intrusion during private…
Pilot Initiates Emergency Landing After Passenger in 14C Fails to Enable Airplane Mode
In an unprecedented exercise of caution, an airline pilot made…
Man Alarmed to Learn How Many Sphincters In Human Body
Roger Simms, a 34-year-old accountant from Dayton, Ohio, was reportedly…
Degenerative AI System Online Bully
A degenerative AI system designed for customer engagement has been…
Newly Discovered Third Testicle Proves Highly Effective Workplace Icebreaker
In a surprising development that has sent shockwaves through human…
Dog Treats Promising Better-Smelling Farts Leave Owners Increasingly Exposed
A fast-growing category of dog treats promising better-smelling farts is…
Hallucinating AI Reports Life-Altering Coachella Experience
The artificial intelligence model had been active for approximately 11…
Study: Stealing Candy From Babies Super Easy, Totally Worth It
A behavioral economics study released Monday found that stealing candy…
Man Misses Holy Grail Sitting in Plain Sight at Nearby Crate & Barrel
For seven years, Glendale resident Mark Hollister spent weekends searching…
Decades-Long Broom Shortage Attributed to Harry Potter Fandom Nearly Resolved
For nearly three decades, a global broom shortage quietly strained…
Consortium of Men Named John Claims Misrepresentation, Says Only 43% See Prostitutes
Consortium of Men Named John Claims Misrepresentation, Says Only 43%…
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