Gate Agent Reaches Full Climax Assigning Middle Seats To Annoying Family Of Five
A veteran gate agent gleefully assigns uncomfortable middle seats to a family…
Volunteer Coach Enjoying Another Season Of Being Called A “Fucking Idiot” By Frank
Volunteer coach Jerry Fink endures another season of parental insults as an…
Treasure Hunters Reach End Of Rainbow, Find Only Meth Lab
Treasure hunters reach rainbow’s end in Philadelphia, unearth meth lab, not gold;…
Itch Enthusiasts Divided As Scabies Purists Clash With Crabs Loyalists
Itch Enthusiasts clash as Scabies Purists argue tradition and Crabs Loyalists champion…
PSA: Just Because It’s Wrapped In A Tortilla Doesn’t Mean You Should Eat It
New guidelines urge consumers not to eat anything just because it’s wrapped…
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CEO Whose Coach Suggested He “Be More Self-Deprecating” Defecates At Quarterly All-Hands
CEO takes self-deprecation to new lows by defecating mid-speech, sparking…
Office Of 40 Quietly Tracking Which Days Greg Doesn’t Brush His Teeth
Office staff transform hygiene judgment into a data-driven pastime with…
Talking Coyote Increasingly Concerned You May Have Eaten Too Much Peyote
A speaking coyote worries humans are consuming excessive peyote, leading…
15-Year-Old Confident His SAT Tutor Is Just Waiting For Him To Make A Move
A delusional 15-year-old believes his SAT tutor is romantically interested,…
Phoneless 14-Year-Old Spending Three Hours A Day Reading Coupon Inserts Out Of Sheer Desperation
A 14-year-old without a phone turns to coupon inserts, sparking…
Adding Orange Juice Does Not Make You Less Of An Alcoholic
BBRAS reveals orange juice doesn’t reduce alcoholic tendencies, shattering brunch…
Bagel Beats Out Microwaved Banana For Eighth Consecutive Year As America’s Most Humpable Food
Bagel remains America’s Most Humpable Food, defeating microwaved banana. Judged…
“We’ll Be Here All Day If That’s What It Takes,” Says Man Locked In Wordless Battle With His Penis
Jason Hargrove refuses to back down from his non-verbal stalemate…
Study: Sun Still Big, Bright, Hot As Shit
Study confirms sun’s baffling consistency as big, bright, hot sphere;…
Mosquito Full Hours Ago, Now Biting Strictly For Recreation
Mosquitoes redefine dull surprises, now reported to bite for fun—introducing…
Man Surprised At How Much Nicer Everyone Is Acting Now That He’s Carrying A Holstered Gun
Local man finds societal warmth inversely proportional to uneasiness around…
Song Reminds Man Of Magical Evening He Lost Virginity To Voluptuous Watermelon
Antoine Blevins, reminded of his unique virginity loss to a…
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