Waymo Reads Bumper Sticker, Now Only Offering Rides To Jesus
A Waymo executive calmly explains why 400 driverless cars have stopped serving…
Man’s Sleep App Docks Him Four Points For Having Sex With Pillow
A man disputes the four-point penalty his sleep tracker issued for what…
Wellness Week Step Challenge Won By Employee Pacing Bathroom Crying
A 76-minute breakdown in a third-floor restroom stall produced the highest step…
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On Death Bed, Seven Confesses To Not Just Eating Nine But Devouring That Bitch
On his deathbed, Seven confesses to devouring Nine, unsettling Clearwater’s…
Cutting Board Not Thrilled About Your New Knife Set
Cutting board faces psychological distress as it confronts a new…
Algorithm Snafu Floods Man’s Feed With Posts From Close Friends And His Sister’s OnlyFans
A man’s social media gets too personal after a tech…
Fishbowl Conference Room Mainly Just Used To Let Out Gas
Globex Inc.’s fishbowl conference room is mainly used for employee…
Indoor Plant Did Not Give Explicit Consent To Dog Urinating On It
Study reveals indoor plants face decorative imprisonment, working harder under…
Couple’s Long Romantic Goodbye At Airport Not Appropriate For All Viewers
A drawn-out couple’s farewell at an airport traumatizes onlookers, prompting…
Congressman Nails CEO With Zinger Rehearsed In Car, Adjourns
A four-term congressman workshops one devastating line in a parking…
Children’s Urine Bringing Nice Yellow Hue To Spring’s Roses
Children unknowingly transform roses with urine, saving city money on…
Dog Ready To Bite If You Don’t Stop Posting Shit About Him Online
A golden retriever named Mr. Barkley prepares legal action against…
Premature Man Burns More Calories Brushing Teeth Than Having Sex
Reports indicate sex’s calorie burn is void if a condom…
Man With Finely Shaved Balls Wasted Morning As Doctor Didn’t Check For Hernia
Man meticulously shaves, hospital doesn’t bother checking hernia, illustrating healthcare’s…
Confused Racist Not Taking Any Chances, Adds Zebras To His Hate List
Confused bigot Gerald Huckins justifies his new disdain for zebras,…
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