Man Down $40,000 On Election Odds Reassures Friends He Can’t Lose
After his third consecutive collapse, a local man walked five friends through…
Retirement Calculator Suggests Man Retire At 81, Die At 79
A free online retirement tool congratulated an Ohio man on a disciplined…
Drugstore Locks Up Deodorant, Fires The Only Employee With A Key
The case is working perfectly: zero units of deodorant have left the…
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Waymo Reads Bumper Sticker, Now Only Offering Rides To Jesus
A Waymo executive calmly explains why 400 driverless cars have…
Man’s Sleep App Docks Him Four Points For Having Sex With Pillow
A man disputes the four-point penalty his sleep tracker issued…
Wellness Week Step Challenge Won By Employee Pacing Bathroom Crying
A 76-minute breakdown in a third-floor restroom stall produced the…
Man Wakes At 3 A.M. To Text Photos Of Cheese To Group Chat
A 43-year-old man rises unprompted at 2:41 a.m. to stage,…
On Death Bed, Seven Confesses To Not Just Eating Nine But Devouring That Bitch
On his deathbed, Seven confesses to devouring Nine, unsettling Clearwater’s…
Cutting Board Not Thrilled About Your New Knife Set
Cutting board faces psychological distress as it confronts a new…
Algorithm Snafu Floods Man’s Feed With Posts From Close Friends And His Sister’s OnlyFans
A man’s social media gets too personal after a tech…
Fishbowl Conference Room Mainly Just Used To Let Out Gas
Globex Inc.’s fishbowl conference room is mainly used for employee…
Indoor Plant Did Not Give Explicit Consent To Dog Urinating On It
Study reveals indoor plants face decorative imprisonment, working harder under…
Couple’s Long Romantic Goodbye At Airport Not Appropriate For All Viewers
A drawn-out couple’s farewell at an airport traumatizes onlookers, prompting…
Congressman Nails CEO With Zinger Rehearsed In Car, Adjourns
A four-term congressman workshops one devastating line in a parking…
Children’s Urine Bringing Nice Yellow Hue To Spring’s Roses
Children unknowingly transform roses with urine, saving city money on…
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