First came the juice cleanses. Then Ozempic. Now, celebrities are embracing a weight loss strategy that’s been around since the Middle Ages: inviting a parasitic worm to brunch.
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Dubbed “Tapeworm Buddy” by PR teams who think diseases just need better branding, the new trend involves microdosing GLP-1 medication while casually fostering a tapeworm named something like “Blaire.”
“It’s biohacking meets trauma bonding,” said wellness influencer Sage Moonchild (@toxique.heal), while stirring a probiotic smoothie and insisting her tapeworm “just gets her.”
Although doctors have warned that hosting an actual parasite inside your intestines might not be ideal, that hasn’t stopped high-profile endorsements. A leaked group chat between celebrities included the messages:
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- “Down 12 lbs but he’s a total diva lol 😒”
- “Mine’s named Keith. I think he’s mad at me.”
- “Anyone else feel… lighter emotionally???”
The GLP-1 injections, originally prescribed for diabetes, have now entered a full situationship with Tapeworm Buddy, as the Hollywood elite strive for that sweet spot between “emaciated” and “spiritually haunted.”
Meanwhile, the CDC has issued a statement reminding the public that “tapeworms are not your friends, workout partners, or inner children.”
Still, the trend shows no sign of slowing.