Kids’ Brownie Stand Outside Weed Shop Has Pulled In $1,400 In Three Hours, Mostly From Same Six Guys
Kids earn $1,400 in a few hours selling brownies outside a cannabis shop, demonstrating the entrepreneurial spirit that outlasts legality.
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Mom Sending Middle Finger Emojis To Family Group Chat Fully Aware Of What They Mean
An NJ mom using middle finger emojis stuns family’s group chat, reflecting deeper emotional honesty in digital communication.
Man Caught Picking Nose Just Glad No One Noticed He Was Also Masturbating
Harold Pickens was caught nose-picking, distracting from his simultaneous public masturbation, illuminating unexpected human strategies amidst societal oversight.
Dermatology Remains Sought-After Career Path Despite Long Days Staring at Genital Rashes
Despite spending the majority of their days identifying fungal flare-ups on strangers’ inner thighs, dermatologists continue to report some of the highest job satisfaction in the medical field. “It’s the lifestyle,” said Dr. Keith Moranis, lightly dabbing cortisone on a patient’s inflamed groin. “You’re out by 5, your weekends are free, and only about 40% … Read more
Experts: Fat shaming babies great way to teach at early age how stuff works around here
According to a new report published by the North American Behavioral Conditioning Group, early-life body shaming may be “an underutilized tool” in preparing infants for the realities of modern society. “Intervention between 3 and 7 months is ideal,” said Dr. Lynn Cartwell, lead researcher of the study. “That’s when their neural pathways are still flexible … Read more
Bayonet manufacturers giddy as calls for new US Civil War grow louder
GETTYSBURG, PA — The United States is doing what it does best: hurtling toward potential collapse while arguing over who’s to blame. With presidential approval ratings somewhere between “haunted doll” and “rotting sandwich,” and Congress functioning more like a poorly moderated Reddit thread, some Americans are now casually floating the idea of civil war like … Read more
Man’s Etch A Sketch masterpiece ruined after ground shipping snafu
BOISE, ID — What began as a quiet spiritual tribute on a children’s toy has ended in tragedy, after a painstaking Etch A Sketch rendering of Jesus Christ was wiped out during ground shipping. The piece, titled “Knocking”, was the magnum opus of 34-year-old Devin Raskin, who spent 14 months recreating the iconic image of … Read more
NFL to shine light back on spinal injuries as concussion debate rages on
MINNEAPOLIS- As fans gear up for another football season, shadow looms tall over the NFL. The debate about concussion related injuries continues to plague the league. In fact, a recent report showed concussions rose to a six year high. Now, the NFL has an ingenious PR campaign to shift focus. A memo leaked by sources … Read more
Epidemic of stoned squirrels plaguing California suburbs
WALNUT CREEK, CA- Not everyone in California is coping well with legal recreational marijuana. The state spent years studying the legislation. The impact on tax revenue and the intricacies of the supply chain are well detailed. However, one overlooked cohort continues to struggle with the adjustment: squirrels. As a result, packs of the stoned animals … Read more
Turns out erection lasting only 3 hours isn’t great either
In a bizarre turn of events, a man discovered that an erection lasting a full three hours is not the joyous adventure he had anticipated. Contrary to popular belief, it seems that prolonged tumescence can lead to unexpected challenges and an array of perplexing situations. Initially thrilled by the prospect of a marathon performance, our … Read more