BROOKLYN, NY — A married couple in their early thirties who had, per the host’s later account, “definitely been told what the party was” arrived at a Bushwick loft Saturday night in nice slacks and business casual tops, spent the first ninety minutes making small talk near the kitchen island, and had, by midnight, personally consumed approximately 60% of the appetizer spread.
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The couple, identified as Trent and Melissa Vanderberg of nearby Park Slope, had, per the host, been invited by a mutual friend who had, in her own words, “explicitly confirmed with them what the vibe was going to be.” They had said yes. They had brought a small hostess gift. They had, sources confirmed, brought a bottle of prosecco.
They were, sources also confirmed, planning to remain fully clothed.
“I think they thought it was a party party,” said the host, a 34-year-old event coordinator identified only as Nadia. “I don’t know. I said the word orgy to their faces in the invitation. I put it in the calendar invite. I bolded it. And they said yes. And they showed up. And they went straight to the food.”
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By 10:47 p.m., sources confirmed, Trent Vanderberg had eaten thirteen bacon-wrapped dates. Melissa Vanderberg, meanwhile, was on her fourth plate of prosciutto and melon and had, per one witness, begun asking the host detailed questions about where the goat cheese had come from.
“It’s from a farmer’s market in the Hudson Valley,” Nadia had said, standing in the kitchen in a silk robe. “I can send you the guy’s Instagram.”
“That would be wonderful,” Melissa had said.
Behind them, four adults had begun undressing on the sectional.
Melissa did not, sources confirmed, turn around.
The Vanderbergs, when reached for comment Sunday afternoon, said the evening had been “genuinely lovely.”
“We had such a nice time,” Trent said. “Everyone was so welcoming. Nadia is such a gracious host. And the food — my god, the food. The little crostini things? With the fig jam? I could have eaten those all night. I nearly did.”
He was asked whether he had noticed what else was happening at the party.
He paused.
“I mean,” he said, “there was a lot going on. There’s always a lot going on at these city parties. We just did our thing. We chatted. We ate. We had a really nice conversation with a woman named Cassandra.”
He was asked what Cassandra had been wearing.
He thought about this.
“I want to say a — you know, I’m not sure I noticed,” he said. “She was very engaged. She was asking really thoughtful questions about my job. She works in interior design. She’s doing a lot of, like, curved sofas right now. She recommended a fabric guy.”
Melissa, when asked the same question separately, had a similar answer.
“Cassandra was delightful,” she said. “So warm. So knowledgeable. She and her, um — her friend — they were both just so lovely. They kept, like, gesturing us over to the sectional. I think they wanted to keep the conversation going. But we were making a real dent in the appetizers, and honestly, I didn’t want to be rude to Nadia by leaving them uneaten.”
She paused.
“Was she — was Cassandra maybe not wearing a lot?” she asked. “I feel like she may not have been wearing a lot.”
She was informed that Cassandra had not, in fact, been wearing anything.
Melissa nodded slowly.
“That makes some things make more sense,” she said.
The Vanderbergs, sources confirmed, remained at the party until approximately 12:40 a.m., at which point they had completely cleared the appetizer table, drunk two glasses each of the prosecco they had brought (the only alcohol they consumed the entire evening), thanked Nadia warmly, taken a small container of leftovers Nadia had prepared for them at Melissa’s request, and departed.
They had not, at any point, spoken to Cassandra’s friend.
They had not, at any point, spoken to the four adults on the sectional.
They had not, at any point, made eye contact with anyone below the shoulders.
Nadia, meanwhile, said the couple had cost her party what she estimated to be “at least $340 in charcuterie.”
“They were so nice about it,” she said. “That’s the thing. They were so nice. They complimented every single thing on the tray. They asked me for recipes. Melissa wrote down the name of the goat cheese guy. I want to be mad at them. I can’t be mad at them. They were, honestly, the sweetest couple I have ever had at an orgy.”
She paused.
“They ate everything,” she added. “Everything.“
The Vanderbergs, at press time, were considering whether to attend a follow-up gathering Nadia had mentioned for later this month.
“She said it’s a play party,” Melissa said. “I don’t know what that means. But she said the food is going to be really elevated. She’s bringing in a caterer.”
Trent nodded.
“We’re excited,” he said. “Nadia throws a great party.”
They had not, sources confirmed, looked it up.
They were, sources also confirmed, planning to bring more prosecco.