Stuff to Buy Before Anyone Sees Your Kitchen
Nine spatulas, all slightly melted. A knife that turns a tomato into a crime scene. Nothing on this list is about food. Eight things that fix that, ranked by what they say about you.
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Fifty dollars. It is the knife professional kitchens buy by the case, and it will outperform the entire wooden block sitting on your counter — the one that came with eleven knives, three of which are for steak and none of which are sharp. You have spent years sawing at a tomato and blaming the tomato. It was never the tomato.
Buy on Amazon →| What | Price | What It Says About You |
|---|---|---|
| A Real Chef’s Knife | Around $50 | You have given up |
| A Cutting Board With Room | Around $40 | You chop on a coaster |
| Cast Iron Skillet | Around $35 | Everything you cook is grey |
| Instant-Read Thermometer | Around $50 | You guess. You are wrong. |
| Microplane | Under $20 | You own a garlic press |
| Bench Scraper | Under $15 | You use the knife blade. Stop. |
| Kitchen Scale | Around $30 | Your bread is a brick |
| Enameled Dutch Oven | Around $90 | Nothing. This one’s a flex. |
A Real Chef’s Knife
This is the one that changes things, and it costs less than the last dinner you took someone out for. Restaurants buy it by the case because it is light, it holds an edge, and nobody cries when it goes in the dishwasher. Yours came in a block with a pair of scissors and a sharpening rod you have never once used. Buy this, learn the two-minute version of how to hold it, and watch someone in your kitchen notice that you look like you know what you are doing. That is the entire product. That is what fifty dollars buys.
Buy on Amazon →A Cutting Board With Room On It
You are chopping on something the size of a paperback, which is why half the onion ends up on the floor and why cooking feels stressful in a way you have never been able to name. It is not you. It is that you have been working in a space smaller than a placemat. Get one that takes up real counter — big enough that everything you cut has somewhere to go. This is the least exciting item on this list and the one that will change your Tuesday the most.
Buy on Amazon →Cast Iron Skillet
Everything you cook is grey. Not bad — grey. That is what happens when you cook in a warped nonstick pan you bought in 2011 that cannot get hot enough to brown anything. Cast iron gets hot and stays hot, which is the whole difference between a steak and a sad steak. It costs about thirty-five dollars, it lasts longer than you will, and food that looks like food is roughly eighty percent of appearing competent. Wash it, dry it, wipe it with oil. That’s the maintenance. Ignore anyone who tells you more.
Buy on Amazon →Instant-Read Thermometer
You cut into the chicken to check it. Everyone does this. It is also the reason the chicken is dry, because you have opened it up and let everything that made it good run out onto the pan. This is the good one — it reads in two seconds instead of twenty, and a thermometer you have to stand there holding is a thermometer you stop using. Fifty dollars replaces every guess you have ever made with a number. It is the single fastest way to stop ruining expensive meat, and the only thing here that will change dinner tonight.
Buy on Amazon →We do this every week
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Microplane
You own a garlic press. It is in the drawer, it has never been fully clean, and it produces a wet paste that tastes like a rumor of garlic. This does the same job in four seconds, does it better, and also handles lemon zest, parmesan, ginger, and nutmeg — which means it quietly replaces about five things you either own or should. Eighteen dollars. It is the cheapest upgrade in flavor per dollar available in your house.
Buy on Amazon →Bench Scraper
A flat piece of steel with a handle. You currently move chopped onion by scraping it along the blade of your knife, which dulls the knife and drops a third of the onion, and then you use your hand, and then you wipe your hand on your pants. Fifteen dollars ends all of that. Nobody who does not cook owns one. Everybody who cooks owns two. It is the single clearest tell in a kitchen, and now you know about it.
Buy on Amazon →Kitchen Scale
A cup of flour can vary by twenty percent depending on how hard you packed it, which is the actual reason your bread comes out like a brick and why the same recipe works one week and fails the next. It was never your technique. It was that you were measuring with a scoop. Thirty dollars, lives in a drawer, weighs about as much as a magazine, and turns baking from a mystery into a set of numbers you follow.
Buy on Amazon →The Enameled Dutch Oven
This is the flex, and it is an honest one. It braises, it makes bread, it makes soup for eight people, and it goes from the stove to the oven to the middle of the table without ever being transferred into a serving dish — which is the trick, because the thing looks expensive and it is now the centerpiece of a meal you made. The name brand version costs four hundred dollars and is not four hundred dollars better. Get the heavy one for ninety, put something in it for six hours, and let it do the talking.
Buy on Amazon →Then you should probably just subscribe
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Fried Ocean Recommends is a running series of things worth your money. Everything above is an affiliate link. We earn a commission, your price doesn’t change, and we are not chefs, food writers, or in any position to be advising anyone about anything. Prices are approximate and change constantly — check Amazon for the real number. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases.
Still worried about the apocalypse? Stuff to buy before everything goes to shit.
Until next week. Stay weird.