Politics Archives - Page 3 of 7

Trump Announces Strait of Hormuz Deal ‘Could Be Soon,’ Also Could Be Never

Nineteen minutes of pool transcript in which “soon” and “never” are confirmed to be the same policy, standing on two legs.

GAO Finds DOGE Saved Taxpayers $110 Billion, Rounded Up From $12.94

A GAO official calmly explains how twelve dollars and ninety-four cents becomes a hundred and ten billion, and why nobody in the building stopped it.

Senate Republicans Reject Army Nominee For Being Insufficiently Unqualified

Confirmation hearing transcript in which senators plead with a decorated Army nominee to produce even one disqualifying failure.

Reflecting Pool Resurfacing Now More Closely Followed Than 21-Week Iran War

Bar patrons watch a large TV showing a live news broadcast of the Lincoln Memorial's drained reflecting pool.

Nielsen data shows 14.2 million Americans watching wet cement, while combined evening war coverage pulls 2.3 million.

New Fleet Of Natural Gas Buses Reduces Emissions 40%, Increases Citywide Fart Smell By 100%

Line of people boarding a bus, pinching their noses

City’s natural gas buses cut emissions by 40%, inadvertently doubling citywide fart scent, reminding residents that progress often stinks.

Tennessee Bans Playing Doctor Within 200 Feet of Pregnant Women

Photorealistic medium shot of a uniformed state police officer standing on a sunlit suburban backyard lawn, holding up a small plastic toy stethoscope as evidence, his expression stoic and slightly weary. A measuring tape extends across the grass behind him into soft focus. In the background, a folding picnic table with a red checkered cloth, partially visible adults seated and standing, a pregnant woman in her second trimester visible from the shoulders down in a sundress holding a paper plate

Tennessee bans kids from playing doctor near pregnant women, citing whimsical stethoscope risk. Expectant mothers now shielded from pretend diagnoses.

Trump Proposes Sharks With Laser Beams to Secure Strait of Hormuz

News wire editorial photo of a formal Pentagon press conference, stone-faced general at podium gripping both sides of the lectern, large screen behind him showing an official-looking military diagram of a shark with a laser beam mounted on its head, labeled with bureaucratic arrows and technical terminology, several other uniformed officers seated at a table behind him with identical expressions of professional suffering, American flag beside podium, harsh press conference lighting, landscape horizontal orientation, photorealistic

Donald Trump’s proposal to use laser-equipped sharks for security in the Strait of Hormuz shines a light on the absurdity of modern defense strategies.

Trump-Musk Feud Costs President Naming Rights To First 18 Holes On Mars

News wire editorial photo of a corporate office hallway, large framed promotional poster torn cleanly in half and stuffed into a trash can, poster clearly shows a red Mars landscape with golf flags and the words 'TRUMP MARS GOLF' at the top, a figure in a golf shirt and red cap wearing an astronaut helmet mid-swing visible on the poster, a passing office worker glancing at the trash can with zero surprise, harsh fluorescent hallway lighting, landscape horizontal orientation, photorealistic

Musk denies Trump naming rights to Mars golf course due to aesthetic incompatibility, proving interplanetary rivalries are as petty as terrestrial ones.

Woodshop Latest Casualty of Anemic Public School Budget, Resulting in Severe Coat Rack Shortage

Vintage 70s documentary photo of a home entryway, bare wall with two small screw holes where a coat rack used to be, two winter coats in a defeated pile on the floor directly below, landscape horizontal orientation, photorealistic

In a move that surprised absolutely no one familiar with Evergreen Unified School District’s financial priorities, the district officially shuttered its last woodshop class on Thursday. This decision was passed unanimously in a closed-door session by the Board of Educational Efficiency, a committee formed to optimize communal disappointment with minimal public consultation. The closure marks … Read more

DOJ Drops Powell Renovation Probe, Too Busy Selecting Curtains For New WH Ballroom

Create photo realistic image of a man with his feet on his desk and arms behind his head with a seal of the federal reserve on the wall in the background

SAVANNAH, GA—The Department of Justice confirmed Friday it had quietly dropped its investigation into Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell’s renovation spending, citing a “reallocation of institutional attention” toward fabric decisions currently delaying installation timelines inside the White House’s new ballroom. The investigation—focused on cost overruns tied to the Federal Reserve’s multibillion-dollar headquarters renovation—was abandoned after … Read more