CAPE CANAVERAL — Sources close to the SpaceX Mars Colonization Initiative confirmed Tuesday that President Donald Trump has been quietly stripped of previously promised naming rights to the first eighteen-hole golf course on the surface of Mars, the latest casualty of an on-again, off-again relationship with Elon Musk that has now produced more dramatic reversals than the final season of a streaming show no one finished.
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The naming rights, which industry insiders describe as “honestly the only thing about Mars colonization that anyone in the West Wing was ever genuinely excited about,” were originally extended in a 2024 handshake agreement made aboard a private jet, in front of two witnesses, one of whom has since become a podcast.
“There was a vibe,” said one former administration official, who requested anonymity because they are no longer permitted to discuss the vibe. “They were going to call it Trump National Olympus Mons. There was a logo. The logo had a small golden eagle wearing a space helmet. It was, I would say, the most coherent piece of policy infrastructure I saw during my time there.”
Tensions reportedly began deteriorating earlier this year following a series of disagreements over electric vehicle subsidies, social media moderation policy, and what one source described only as “the texts.” By April, sources say, Musk had begun referring to the planned course as “the Red One,” and by last week the Trump name had been formally scrubbed from internal SpaceX architectural renderings, replaced with a placeholder reading simply CLUBHOUSE TBD.
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The course itself, which is not expected to be physically constructible until at least 2071, will reportedly feature a par-4 dogleg around an active dust storm, a water hazard that is theoretical, and a nineteenth hole in a pressurized geodesic dome serving cocktails priced in a currency that has not yet been invented.
Trump, for his part, has not publicly addressed the loss of the naming rights, though aides confirm he has spent significant portions of the past week describing Mars as “frankly, overrated” and “a planet for losers, in my opinion.” On Monday morning he posted a photograph of his existing Bedminster course captioned simply: BETTER THAN MARS. SAD!
The naming rights are now expected to go to the highest bidder during a private auction scheduled for the third quarter, with rumored interested parties including a cryptocurrency exchange, a Saudi sovereign wealth fund, and a man in Florida who insists he has been to Mars already and would like the course named after his cat.
Asked whether the falling-out might be repaired in time for Trump to reclaim the rights before the 2071 ribbon-cutting, the former official paused for a long time before answering.
“They could be best friends again by Friday,” they said. “They could be in a knife fight by Saturday. The rights, I think, will follow the knife fight.”
At press time, Musk was reportedly considering naming the course after himself.