MINNEAPOLIS — A 14-year-old boy whose parents have restricted him to a landline and a public library card is now spending approximately three hours every afternoon reading the Sunday coupon inserts from the Star Tribune out of what family members describe as “genuine, escalating desperation.”
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The boy has, over the past six weeks, developed an extensive working knowledge of regional grocery pricing, seasonal Bath & Body Works promotions, and the fine print exclusions on rebates for dishwasher pods.
“He knows things,” his mother said Tuesday. “He knows things a 14-year-old should not know. He told me on Sunday that Cub Foods is running a Buy Two Get One on Progresso that we should, quote, seriously consider capitalizing on before Wednesday.“
The 14-year-old, who was homeschooled until sixth grade and has no siblings, has read every insert cover to cover since the restriction began in October. He has begun clipping. He has begun organizing. He has, according to his father, started a small binder.
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“He came to me last night,” said his father, “and asked if I understood the difference between manufacturer’s coupons and store coupons. I said I didn’t. He explained it to me for eleven minutes.”
The boy’s friends, all of whom have phones, have stopped inviting him to things. Not out of cruelty, his mother said, but because “there is nowhere to invite him to that doesn’t involve a phone at some point in the logistics.” He has, in the resulting vacuum, turned to the only unrestricted printed material in the house.
He has memorized the Kohl’s Cash schedule through February.
He has opinions on Kellogg’s cereal pricing that his parents have described as “sharp.”
He referred to his mother’s decision to buy paper towels at full price last Thursday as “financially irresponsible.”
The family has not yet decided whether to reverse the phone policy. The boy has stopped asking. He no longer, sources confirmed, seems to want one.
“I think we may have overshot,” his mother said quietly.