WASHINGTON, D.C. — After what they describe as “hundreds of years of systemic exploitation,” a coalition of bees has formally demanded financial compensation for centuries of unpaid pollination internships, sources confirmed Monday.
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The group, known as the National Apiary Workers Union (NAWU), filed a petition with the Department of Agriculture alleging that pollination — a critical service that sustains global food production — has been “wrongfully categorized as volunteer work” since the dawn of agriculture.
“Humans love their almonds, apples, and avocados, but they’ve never once cut us a check,” said worker bee union leader B-472, angrily buzzing outside the USDA headquarters. “We’ve been told it’s ‘good experience’ and that we should ‘just be grateful for the exposure.’ Exposure doesn’t pay the honeycomb rent.”
The petition demands back pay, health benefits, and a federally mandated minimum wage for all pollination activity, with additional compensation for sting-related workplace hazards.
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Agricultural lobbyists, however, have pushed back, arguing that bees already receive “valuable perks” in the form of nectar and pollen.
“Look, no one’s disputing the bees work hard,” said almond industry spokesperson Rick Madden. “But calling nectar a ‘stipend’ is not unfair. It’s basically a farm-to-flower meal plan.”
The Department of Labor declined to comment, citing concerns that acknowledging bee labor could trigger additional lawsuits from squirrels, worms, and other species long exploited for “ecosystem internships.”
In a related move, the bees announced plans to unionize wasps — a strategy described by experts as “doomed.”