Satire for emotionally resilient adults
A national performing arts center will spend two years closed while contractors re-seat every venue inside a set of gilded letterforms. The Opera House is being compressed twelve percent, but don’t worry — they’re not cutting seats, just the people in them.
Bureau stats confirm beaches are top spots for sharp, wet foot hazards, delighting thrill-seekers, as nature irresistibly delivers perilous surprises.
Timmy Henderson, notorious for transforming simple instructions into elaborate acts of defiance, is the bane of adult guidance and suburban calm.
Apple has determined that losing in court is a distribution service, and distribution services carry a standard 30% take. Plaintiffs who keep quiet about the existence of other courts may qualify for a reduced rate.
A two-person privacy outfit built a map of every license plate reader in the country, expecting to help people avoid them. What they built instead is a horror game where the monster is a light pole and there is no way to win.
Trump’s approval rating has cratered to a historic 33%, a number no incumbent has ever survived. A senior Democratic strategist reviewed the data, checked his own internals, and quietly asked if we’d consider not publishing them.
A hotel in Ohio promotes endless sleep in their carbon monoxide suite, with a near-perfect success rate of guests never waking up.
Seven candidates, zero front-runners, and one unanimously ratified strategy: point at each other politely until August.
A league executive explains, day by day, the mandatory nine-day televised debate window now triggered by every ejection.
A regional-network color analyst explains the physics problem in asking baseball to shield fans from the ads that pay for baseball.