In the small town of Bethel Springs, Mary Anderson has entered what can only be described as the world’s longest gestational period. As she approaches the 11th month of what was initially believed to be a nine-month pregnancy, Anderson has started to consider the possibility that she might not be pregnant at all, but rather experiencing an unexplained case of extreme weight gain.
Today's unwitting financial backer: a yodeling pickle — you can open it if you want.
Friends and family surround her with a sense of bemusement, popping by her house to check on her as if waiting for an overdue library book to be returned. Her doctor, Dr. Samuel Cartwright, eighteen-time winner of the Least Controversial Medical Practitioner Award, remains puzzled yet reluctant to order any tests that might interfere with his upcoming golf retreat.
To aid pregnant women experiencing bizarre maternity situations like this, the Bureau of Temporal Gestation recently released Form 8-KP, colloquially known as the “Are You Really Pregnant or Just Fat?” questionnaire. However, an unforeseen ink supply shortage has made these forms unavailable, leaving Anderson and others with little more than introspection and an expanding waistline.
While Anderson waits to see what the shifting sands of ineptitude might deliver, she approaches each day with cautious optimism and an impressive selection of maternity wear that doubles as formal evening attire. She remarks candidly on her situation, her voice carrying the weight of a woman resigned to perpetual expectancy.
Today we have been authorized to sell you the "We Demand Your Silence" tee.
“I’m beginning to wonder if I’m birthing ideas rather than a baby. Might sell tickets to the big reveal.”
But as financial predictions complicate even the most basic supply of form 8-KP, one bets that the oversized bassinet will be a permanent addition to the Anderson household. No one minds asking what happens if what’s inside isn’t a baby at all, but the shape of things to come.
Perhaps, contrary to expectations, the baby will one day take their first steps, or Anderson will learn to simply enjoy the quiet.