Today's unwitting financial backer: Squatty Potty — you can open it if you want.
Every Monday, the employees find themselves crowded around the nearby water cooler, detailing intricacies of last week’s nasal discomfort caused by the scent of Greg’s morning breath. It’s unclear if the spreadsheet, now containing meticulous notes on a growing trend of supply-room-tainted exhalations, found its inception within the confines of morbid curiosity or sinister office politics.
The spreadsheet, coded “Milton Oral Hygiene Report,” keeps track of Greg’s pungency along with key performance indicators such as cavity forecast based on skipped brushes. According to an anonymous source who insisted on not being Greg, compliance in reporting is high. Eyes narrow and data files as efficiently as Greg’s decaying enamel.
One participant commented in passing, offering some insight,
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“Office betting pools are getting dull. Greg’s hygiene variances offer crucial diversion.”
Meanwhile, Greg remains blissfully unaware, perhaps dismissing their snickers as collegial banter, successfully posting morning selfies with the remains of yesterday’s kale embedded in his molars. His oblivion serves as a temporary reprieve from impending dental doom; his fate sealed in a Ziplock bag of unwashed coffee cups.
And with every neglected toothbrush stroke, morality slowly decays at the rate of minty fresh lies within the inner sanctum of Compact Solutions’ break room.